ToDo Lists
by Darke Eco Freak
Summary: Just something I thought of last week. What if everyone had a to-do list? And what if some one tampered with them, Hmmm...
1. Torn

I don't own Jak and Dax

Kate: I wonder why?

DEF: Shut up you little ****

* * *

"O.k. let's see what's on my list today," Torn mumbled rubbing his eyes after waking up.

#1. Dance around the city yelling, 'Daxter is the best I love Ottsels!

"What! When the Hell did I write that!" he shouted staring at the paper hatefully, trying unsuccessfully to remember. He usually wrote his To-Do list before he went to bed but in the morning; he could never quite remember what he had written the night before. That explained why he was always studying his maps and documents so intensely. Now, let it be known that Torn always followed his To-Do list no matter what it said ever since he joined the Krimson Guard.

**Ten Years Ago**

"Now recruits, one of the most important lessons you'll learn is always follow your To-Do list!" a man yelled at a line of young men. "You may ask why, well, in our line of work you will be hit multiple times and you may forget certain things," the man explained strutting up and down the line. "A To-Do list will become your best friend in this noble line of work and it will always remind you of what you may have forgotten," the man concluded stopping in front of a small boy. "What did I just say, son?" he asked the little red haired boy.

"A-always f-follow y-your to-do l-list, Sir!" the boy stammered, obviously scared.

"And don't none of you Ever forget it!" the man shouted at the line of boys. "Sir, yes, Sir!" They all replied in slightly hysterical voices.

**The Port-10 a.m.**

"Daxter is the best! I love Ottsels!" Torn sang, prancing through the streets, scaring everyone with his madness.

"So, how'd you sneak into his room?" Jak asked staring at Torn as he danced by.

"Easy, I just wrote the fake list last night and when he was in the bathroom I switched it," Daxter explained sipping his drink as Torn made another pass.

"Nice," Jak said reverently, looking at his friend in a new light.

"Daxter is the best!" Torn shouted at the top of his lungs for all of Haven_** and**_ Spargus to hear.

"Well, that's finally over, what's next on the torture list?" Torn sighed, he would have to tell everyone he was mentally unstable to cover up that episode but it couldn't get worst, right? Wrong because next on the list was,

'#2. Raid metal head nest in nothing more than your underwear to retrieve a Skull Gem& '

It took a full half hour before Torn could even move from shock.

"Oh My God!" he whispered staring down at the piece of paper finally noticing the rest,

'Walk through all the girls' schools in Haven before going.'

His heart stopped for about five minutes before picking up double time, Ashelin was going to kill him.

Jak and Daxter were no longer at the Port but at the Pumping Station with Vin looking at the Cameras that were all over Haven

"Wow! I can't believe he actually did it!" Vin muttered collapsing onto a chair.

"Believe it or not, brother, believe it or not," Daxter said turning back to the monitors, all showing Torn in his underwear. He had walked through every single girl's school he could find in nothing more than his pink boxers while on his way to the nest, what a day for the girls.

"Hey, Dax, what else do you have planned?" Jak asked a little nervously, who would've thought Dax was so good at the revenge game? "Just gotta' wait and see, buddy," an evil smile appearing on his orange mug, "just gotta' wait and see."

"Holy shit!" Torn swore, staring at the hundreds of metal head in front of him, he was dead, so very, very dead. Then to his complete and utter embarrassment, all the metal heads started laughing at his under dressed state. Maybe he should have taken off his pink boxers with the red hearts and blue ponies on them, well too late now. Muttering curses and threats under his breathe; he crossed the nest, grabbed a skull gem and ran as if all Hell was chasing him out of the nest. He need not have worried that the Metalheads gave chase since all the metal heads were still rolling on the ground laughing there heads off so hard they didn't notice him leaving.

"#2 done one more to go and I'll have survived this craziness" Torn panted, he had run all the way back to the Palace from the nest.

"#3. Write then read a speech four pages long on how much you love Ottsels and hate metal heads while wearing a chicken suit."

"Ha! That's going to be easy compared to everything else," he scoffed, grabbing a sheet of paper to start his speech. "Daxter is never going to let me live this down but I'll survive," he sighed continuing his suicidal speech. "There done, just gotta' reread the list and I'll be done" he said satisfied, this was possibly one of his best speeches ever.

"Read to a group of waste land metal heads! NO REWRITES!"

In a horrifying voice, Torn yelled out the last two sentences of number three. After the shock, Torn had fainted. It was a good hour before he regained consciousness and another twenty minutes for him to gather the courage to, actually get going.

In the peaceful Wasteland were Jak and Daxter with Sig and Seem.

"So, you're the one who got him to do all that stuff?" Sig asked incredulously.

"Yup, the dancing and the underwear all me," Daxter proclaimed proudly then started laughing.

"You do know if he ever finds out you're dead meat, right?" Jak questioned raising one green eyebrow, who knew Torn could even run that fast?

"_You_ do know Tess'll kill him if he even _**tries**_, right?" Daxter countered before laughing so hard he fell off Jak's shoulder onto the ground.

"Don't you think he needs help?" Seem asked staring at Torn and the huge dust cloud he was kicking up.

"Nah," they all answered, laughing as the herd of metal heads chased Torn across the desert and back again.

"I swear, I never wrote any of that!" Torn shouted at Tess for the tenth time in the last five minutes. He had returned to the Naughty Ottsel to have a drink only to be confronted by an extremely angry Tess with a Peacemaker.

"So, you don't think I'm a slut and shouldn't been drowned at birth?" she asked uncertainly, lowering her gun.

"No, of course I don't, besides this is what I've done all day," Torn replied pulling out his phony To-Do list.

"#4. Write a mean letter to Tess!"

She screamed the last To-Do and started charging her gun,

"What? Let me see that! Oh, um, sorry Tess," Torn squeaked backing away, he was going to die for sure now.

"_**SORRY**_? That's_** ALL **_you've got to say to me?" she screeched shooting him in rapid succession.

As Torn was being shot numerous times Daxter and Jak were at the bar booth watching.

"Originally, _he_ was supposed to write it but I thought it would be funny if I wrote it and left it for Tess," Daxter explained to Jak who had asked why Torn hadn't wrote it, hopping onto the bar.

"Why didn't he see it before?" Jak asked sitting on a bar stool to watch the destruction more comfortably.

"'Cause it's on the back, want a drink it's on the house," Daxter offered climbing down behind the bar. "Here's your favorite," Dax said jumping onto his shoulder, a bottle clasped in his small orange paw. As they drank their beers, Torn was hit multiple times with a Peacemaker and a Vulcan fury all while trying to apologize to Tess.

"I HATE YOU!" she screamed, shooting with every bullet, "YOU GOD DAMNED BASTARD!"

"Why me?" Torn thought, dodging bullets while all over Haven and Spargus, people were talking about how crazy he was for doing all the horribly embarrassing things that day.

* * *

If I get at least five reviews I think I'll continue and feel free to tell me who you want next, though I'm leaning towards Daxter.


	2. Daxter

Well, I've decided to give Daxter a To-Do list from Tess, who knew a few simple chores could go so very wrong?

_**As usual I do not own Jak and Daxter, I'm really mad about that**_

Kate: Yeah that's not the only thing you're 'mad' about, psychopath.

DEF: I'm not a psycho; I just like to play with chainsaws.

Kate: Yeah that's really normal.

* * *

_**#1 Clean the outside of the Naughty Ottsel**_

"Well, I guess I could get Jak to help," Daxter said uncertainly. Tess had given him the list of chores and told him to do everything on it. Some how he seriously doubted after ten years of cleaning Samos's hut, Jak would help him and Tess probably meant for him to do it on his own.

"It can't be too hard too hard after all I cleaned old Green Stump's hut too," he muttered, he unfortunately forgot that he was a boy when he did that and not a two-foot Ottsel.

One bucket of soapy water, a mop and wiping cloth later he was ready to clean the bar. Then it struck him,

"How in Hell am I supposed to get up there?" He shouted throwing down his mop in defeat.

"Hey, Dax, what'cha doing? Or trying to do?" Our crazy, lovable, neighborhood, pyrotechnic asked walking up the street.

"I** was** gonna' clean the bar but I can't reach," he explained, shuddering at what Tess might do if she came home to find he hadn't. She had gone to the Precursor monk temple to persuade the monks into letting her experiment with Light Eco for a new gun.

"Maybe I can help with your problem," Jinx offered pulling out a few explosives from his back pocket.

"I really don't trust those-" Daxter began before Jinx interrupted with a swift response,

"I swear these things are safe enough to put in your mouth!" Jinx claimed actually popping one in his mouth.

"Well, fine but if they don't work; I'll sic' Tess on yuh ," Daxter conceded after ten minutes of pitiful pleading from Jinx.

__**Freedom HQ**__

"Hey, Ashelin, you seen Jinx any where today?" Torn rasped in his cheese grater voice, while, staring at his maps.

"No, why? Did he steal your maps, again?" she asked, two guards, who had fouled up a mission in the nest, in tow.

"No, I have _those_ locked up tight in my room since last time," he assured her remembering that horrifying day.

**(The Wasteland-two months ago)**

"Ashelin, could you dispatch someone to come get me?" Torn whispered, pressing against the rock-wall even harder.

"Ok, where are you?" she asked already calling in guards, if Torn needed back-up then it had to be really bad.

"I'm in a Metal Head nest in the Wasteland, the one with the Metalpedes," he rasped, hiding behind a stone pillar as some Metal Heads stalked past.

"Why are you _there?_ I thought you were going to the Monk temple to talk to Seem and persuade her into giving you a Dark Eco crystal?" she asked.

"I was but Jinx switched the maps and now I'm here, could you just send back-up?" he pleaded covering the mouth of the communicator.

**(Present day)**

"Those prototype Dark Eco bombs have gone missing and I have a bad feeling about it," He groaned, who knew how much more time they had if Jinx got his hands on those bombs.

"I'm sure you're just being para-"Ashelin started before she was cut off by the gigantic,

**Boom! **

That had rocked the entire city.

"JINX!" they both shouted at the same time.

_ **(South town-The Naughty Ottsel)**_ __

"What the Hell was that!" Daxter yelled, he had just avoided becoming baked Ottsel, as it was he was still a bit toasty.

"They_ looked_ liked the usual ones"! Jinx yelled back, "_so those were Torn's new bombs, man what a kick!_" Jinx thought.

"I'll kill you dead, you frickin' psycho!" Daxter screeched bombarding him with various cleaning supplies and one wrench.

To clear up the reason Daxter didn't die was because all his time with Jak, as Dark, had made him extremely sensitive to Dark Eco. He had thrown the bombs into the water about two seconds before they had detonated.

After chasing away Jinx, he finally managed to climb up a pipe onto the Naughty Ottsel along with his mop and soapy water. Halfway through the cleaning, his mop fell and he had to climb back down but on the way back up, he fell back to the ground. This little set back couldn't stop Orange Lightening, falling into a bucket and being stuck for an hour, however, did. He finally gave up and decided to start on his second chore.

_**#2. Take stock of beer and order more if necessary.**_

"Ooh, now this is something I'm gonna' enjoy!" Daxter exclaimed with a huge smile on his furry mug. The only way he knew to take stock was to know what was good or not and the only way to do that was to taste it. "Ok, let's see, ten more bottles of Lurkers Brew, six more of Vodka," and so on while Daxter drank two bottles of everything.

**Two Hours Later **

"Hey Dax, do you know where Tess is?" Keira asked walking around the wrestling ring, "I got that new part for her gun mod."

Daxter hiccupped and rolled off the bar top, "Hello sugar puss, have _you_ heard about Jak and Ashelin?"

Keira was silent for a few seconds her mind spiraling with wild visions of her Jak, sneaking off with Ashelin.

"What about Jak and Ashelin?" she asked in a cold hard voice, her anger rising.

"Well, lover boy got quite the reward for saving the world, a big old smooch from the Governess of Haven City," Daxter said laughing a little.

"Thanks Dax, see you later," she spat running out of the bar.

"You're welcome, just remember, you didn't hear it from me!" He yelled after her.

"Alright time for #3 on my chore list for today," he sighed, still droopy, picking up the piece of paper.

_**#3.**__** Clean out the storage room**_

"Let's see here, a box of comics- burn, a box of old bottles-use to knock Pecker off his perch, an old DVD?" Daxter said checking off a list. "Things just got interesting, let's see what this old tape's got," Daxter muttered wiping the rather dusty tape. "Here we go," Daxter said, sighing as he sat back in a chair, pushing the play button on his remote DVD remote.

'The Biggest Fight of the Century' Appeared on the TV screen, along with a year that was a good ten years ago, then slowly faded away to wrestling ring with a man in purple and a huge pile of meat in green.

"Now I want a clean fight, shake hands and come out fighting." A guy in striped black and white t-shirt said backing away from the two fighters. The one in purple (Jacob) looked at the one in green (Krew) with an expression of utmost horror. Jacob ran to the other side of the ring but this didn't help since Krew took up half of the ring without even moving. Some kind soul decided that Jacob needed some sort of protection and handed him a chair, which no one really thought could possibly help him. Krew took a step forward and pinned him to the ropes of the ring, effectively stopping his breathing.

"One, two, three and you're outta' there!" the referee shouted, pulling Jacob out from underneath Krew's rather large posterior. During the fight some of Krew's fat had managed to slip out of his green suit stunning the crowd speechless.

"What the Hell?" Tess screamed, when she arrived later she had found Daxter foaming at the mouth still in his chair in front the TV.

"Daxie-poo! What's wrong?" she asked already pulling out her gun, ready to hunt down whomever had done this to her little snukcumbs.

"K-Krew fighting, the horror, turn it off and burn the tape!" Daxter whispered beginning to rock back and forth, holding his tail for comfort.

"That's the last time I give you any chores around here," Tess muttered dragging Daxter up the stairs to their room, "The absolute last time."

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DEF: So, how was it? I must know! Review or I'll hunt you dow- wait who are you?

Guy In white: No one, now if you'd just come with us, I have a lovely padded room for you

Kate: Ah yeah, some guys in white just put her in a straight jacket. Anyway, please read and review while I go take pictures_. _

DEF: If I get twenty reviews, I'll keep going!

Guy In White: I thought she was restrained!


End file.
